Let’s talk about mom guilt.
I feel mom guilt when my daughter is on the 3rd floor of the house and I’m downstairs. I feel mom guilt when I’m taking the dog for a walk and didn’t bring my daughter with me. I feel mom guilt while I’m doing yoga.. while I’m in the shower… when I’m at the grocery store. Hell, I even feel mom guilt at this very moment, while I’m writing this blog. It’s a feeling of, “I’m failing at parenting,” and it needs to stop.
So, here’s the thing - the only one creating that guilty feeling inside of you is you. I know that doesn’t make it any easier. It would be much easier to blame others for mom guilt. Trust me, blaming unfair societal standards does come up for me too. But guess who’s NOT blaming you for taking the dog for a walk, showering, or going to the grocery store – your kids, who NEED you to shower, take the dog for a walk, and buy groceries. They need you to do the very things that you’re feeling guilty about, which actually means that you’re being the best parent possible for your kids.
Sometimes, ADHD can intensify mom guilt feelings. There are times when I forget to make my daughter dinner. I’ve been known to put her food in the microwave and find it several days later. Sometimes, she’ll ask me to pick up something for her at the store and I forget. There are even times when I’ve missed appointments and school functions. My ADHD mixed with my anxiety can make things complicated and sometimes my kids will bear the brunt of that. Do you know what doesn’t happen though? No one dies. My kids know I love them. They laugh when they find things in the microwave from a week ago, they forgive me when I miss an appointment and they get better at helping me remember what they need from the store. By watching me, they are learning to accept that not everything works out perfectly in life. My kids are learning to forgive and forget – skills that they will undoubtedly need in adulthood. Every single mom guilt moment is a teachable moment, for each of us. If you find yourself in one of those mom-guilt moments that you can’t shake, remember these things:
Take a deep breath. Let’s not teach mom guilt to the next generation. Remember how HARD parenting is and give yourself a break. You are keeping another human alive and there’s something to be said for that.
Give it a name. Recognize mom guilt when you’re feeling it. Notice the feeling inside of you and release it. When you’re in the shower and that pang hits you in the heart – call it mom guilt and let go of the tension you’re feeling from it
Go hug your kiddo when possible. Just tell them how much you love them as often as you can. It helps.
Make a list of all the good things you do as a mom. Are you silly with your kids? Are your kids super smart? Are they polite and kind? You’ve played a huge role in all of those things and they are not to be taken lightly.
Finally, tell someone else about your mom guilt feelings. I can almost guarantee that another mom will relate to you and remind you that parenting is hard and that you’re doing a great job. It’s so helpful to have another mom remind you that we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and that we’re all struggling right now in our own ways. If you have no one to turn to, I’m here to tell you that you’re doing a great job. Go easy on yourself.
